Past Times: Nickname

Most of you know/ should have heard of this, but for those of you who haven't, i have an apparent 'nickname'. Now for those of you that love to call me by that, do so in your own time without me hearing it, i get irritated and annoyed and frustrated and more often than not will lash out. It's actually one of the reasons why i got detentions.

Well lets start from what i remember probably was the beginning and hopefully make it alive to the end:

Back in yr 5&6 as probably most if not all of us were preparing for our selective schools test, aspiring to get into schools that we had only heard of: 'James Ruse Agricultural High School' and 'Baulkham Hills High School' etc, like most Asian kids around my area, i went to tutoring. For the record, i have done tutoring since yr2, but swot shop tutoring doesn't help in anything besides multiple choice lol. Back on topic, it was at a place that some people would know as 'James Ann, Eastwood'. I was the only person that i knew that went to the place, but i met some good friends such as g (s) z and dan fan. You guys probably don't remember, but i also met V Lee. I remember playfully g.(s).z coined the name 'Buk tooth', on me because my teeth were sticking forward - one of the main reasons as to accepting the offer of going through the pain of braces. but anyways, i only went there for around 4-5 weeks as my parents found it inconvenient and they didn't really trust the people that ran the place, so i switched to Pre Uni. But the stories of what happened there is totally irrelevant to this topic. So basically thats where 'Buk' come from which you can probably guess slided into 'bok'.

So began the mellow years of yr7, where most of us were wide-eyed kids with no idea what was happening, i have to admit i was one of them but i tried to settle in by making friends with Benzoino and F. C. (something i never knew would eventually become a big downfall on my behalf). Anyways, after the first day of school, we as a class 7O, would mainly walk to class together and chat amongst ourselves and quickly we realised that we had the uncontrollable and crazy class containing 'the group'. For those of you who don't know, people included, c.d., dh, v.lui, cho, rappy, c. s., c.k, and some others. Most of those names people may recognise and think sounds alright, but the one person who changed my life was Cho.

People always ask me why i hate Cho, and really now that i think about it, the main reason was quite simply was that he was a bully. From the outset he was the loudmouth of the class, essentially a clown and would pick apart at people's abnormality and on top of that a VERY PROUD korean. Now don't get me wrong, i like korea, and i love their people, but i dont like the attitude he brought. Why? I remember a couple of times how he said he could only think about liking Korean's or really pretty Asian girls. now that seems alright, but the first thing he hurt was my religious belief. Some of you know, that i am a Catholic and im not afraid of it, and constantly the rest of you complain at the wrong we did and that's all cool, but what he said was like Deep cuts into the heart. I recall him labelling Catholics as low as 'Niggers'. Now that is harsh in my opinion and well i brushed it off thinking that i didnt have to talk to him.

Back onto the actual events of School, i recall being late to class, turning off the lights in G block where Mr Hopper was very angry at us for that. But i think in the second week of Art he used the name 'Buk Choi'. I remember him saying that he gave the nickname because of the 'buk' of my teeth and the Hair made the Choi. You guys probably think this is funny, but when you think the whole grade is calling you this, you can't really do much but accept it, especially since i was still a stick back then. - Note that's why i have the change in hairstyle and i will never accept a bowl cut ever again. Anyways i succumbed to peer pressure and got the nickname stuck on me. To this day some people refer to me by that name.



@Dandelion: I am soo sorry about hitting you in yr7, i just had no other way of really trying to ignore the verbal abuse. You can hit me as much as you want know,

Later that year, i remember there was a strange incident that something happened and my brain exploded and i got picked on by even f.c. and benzoino. those probably was the darkest of times, when some people might recall where i tried to smash my skull in by smashing my head into walls of G and E block. I got increasingly frustrated, and my hole deepened even further. Each time i cried i knew things got worse, and people told me not to cry but being an emotional person i really can't hold it back. Anyways, things fell to pieces for me, and i couldn't wait for year 7 to finish, i remember holding a half smile leaving yr7 hoping that things would ease in year 8.

As an aside that most people dont know, every night i would devise a plan to somehow eradicate that name from myself, but i couldnt get enough confidence to just act upon it. Then as the year turned around, roll calls changed and we started to break away from each other. My friend and eventually the person who i could turn to trust the most, was someone i met in OC but never really talked to much before, J C. I slowly assimilated into what would become 'Sam's group'. Initially S.K. didn't really like the idea, but meh, it eventually worked despite being picked on again in year 8 by a totally different group of people.

I recall a few things that stayed, which were the Tech classes in which Cho was still in, and a big pain in the arse as he always was but i met a new set of people, a mix of great people and some really not nice people. I think more of you remember D.K, who ended up becoming a 'Loner' who was with J.G and M.Z who would become the new set of bullies. However in year 8 i really did everything i could to avoid being near them, but unfortunately being in my science classes i had to face them on a daily basis. The ridicule and nicknaming continued onwards, and my social support who were literally holding my head above water was Jordon Liu in science classes. The pain would further ensue when A.R. who was trying to help me offered me the chance to sit near him but only to be craftfully denied by S.M.. I'm sorry S.M., but because of this, and the whole negative phase i was in when this happened, i don't think ive had many options but to really dislike you. Anyways, life was quite bland and i always felt like i had a dark rain cloud above me whilst i was in most of my classes but math. I really enjoyed math for that reason, as i met very supportive friends in particular Toan. Some of you guys might think, Toan supportive? but he helped me out heaps i have to thank him for it. Back on topic, some days i wouldnt be teased, but every week around tuesday or wednesday the trio would wreck my day somehow, and in english i finally had one of my larger meltdowns. That was when people started to realise i was in frustration and pain, and afterwards i would continually try to cut myself - the emo phase.

This continued but wasn't as heavy as i absorbed myself into a card game known as Magic the Gathering. Really it was majorly stress relief. Anyways im starting to lose track of where my memory lies next.

In year 9 was when i started to feel more happier, and i met a really awesome person, he is JM. Although very silent he was at least appreciative of the things people do, and i started to realise the cynical nature of what certain people would become. I myself i admit, am cynical to an extent but i learnt to make new friends, using the friendships i already had and i created links with people especially in history and science. What i remember that did affect me the most was one of those days after P.E. I recall i unluckily got pulled into rugby or soccer and people began to tease once again. But in year 9, i no longer just cried from the outset i got pissed and kicked, weak as it is, i tried to fight back. But that afternoon in english with Ingersoll, i had a true meltdown starting with me pushing down a table which gave big alarm bells to people. I also recall it was winter, as i wrapped my eyes with my black scarf and began to consume myself in some of the anger and frustration building up in me. Then i was told by Ingersoll to go outside and clam down, but it only made it worse as i struck myself by punching the brick wall unleashing pain within my arm. But my anger got the better of me and i thumped on and on consuming myself in the negative thoughts. I spent a whole double trying to relieve myself of the negativity which halfway through the first Fiona Li tried to comfort me, but really i just wouldnt bring myself to hearing it.

I also remember English in year 9 being very horrid, not only did i receive poor marks, but i received the biggest indicator of isolation ever on the last day of term. And a party ensued only to which the first person had mentioned all day that it was my birthday. Obviously the birthday song started but strangely enough the other Aaron (G.) had decided to randomly join the party and when they turned to an Aaron to say happy birthday to, most people looked at him. I felt not just embarassed but angry. From that moment onwards i knew people either 1 hated me, 2 didn't think i existed or 3 were just being slack. i recall telling the class that i hated most of them. It was true, at that moment i felt like i had been stabbed in the heart and really to this question i dont think people understand that i dont believe that we all love each other despite 'gradelove'. I mean its a great thing and all, but i have never seen a single message on grade love about me, which wasnt trolling me. Like seriously i honestly feel like i dont belong at times.

In year 10, much of the nicknaming began to disappear and i dont think ive ever been so frustrated or completely distraught about it as i did back then.

Maybe you don't understand my feelings, and maybe you still think im a total idiot. But that's totally fine. Just remember do not ever call me 'Bok Choi' or variations of that. I have forever been tainted by it and will and can now throw punches. I do not accept any more of this mockery and if i hear of it, i will tell it to your face that i don't like it regardless whether or not you are a guy or a girl.

So that hopefully ends all the talk on that. if you want any further details you can ask me in real life, and i have one final question for you:

Have you ever been bullied to the point of meltdown? If so, how have you changed from it? Of course i don't expect many of you to answer this, but i feel the need to get this weight off my shoulders.

Till next time.

-Note: This has most names edited out after a week of viewing for intended audiences-